Small things in life

woke up in the morning with a little headache... not enough sleep i guess. was wondering where am i today... there was a time when i first came to bombay, when i waited for a day where i will not get any time to think in the morning. I will be busy........ then there was a time when i desperately needed sleep and some space for myself. would wake up in the morning and look around and feel so peaceful inside thinking i wont have to go anywhere today...
then there was the other day when i was... not scared but was thinking, will i be able to get back to this 9 to 5 schedule every day?
and there is today... i wake up early morning, even if i sleep at 1, take a bath, get dressed, direct my cook what to cook and come to office.
i am happy. nothing to complain about.. these are small things in life.
one of my friend just told me, what are you doing in a advertising agency? there is no prospect for you..
what prospect do they talk about? why are we all running after prospects? what is that we all are running after? why dont i get it? i want to become a human being with the biggest job? NO. i want to become human being with the biggest heart... longest hand to help... widest mind to accept everything around me.... calmest head to put a smile on other's face. and i am working towards it...

sleep well

i met him first with keya at the usl studios. he looked very lost on the first day i saw him... and now that he was lost he care not to find out his way and gives a ***k to life. one of those faces who will give you so much of unrest within yourself just looking at him. noone... noone can get a good vibe from him. he wore all those weird chains and earings and bands in his hand. he was flying on his dope that time and never i saw him at his normal state. i really dont know how he was in a normal state.
but i dont know why we were friends. didnt know any of his gang but only meet him at times when i am free during the day and chat about life... his life mostly... my life.. i didnt find any reason to discuss with him. i read his palm and was not shocked at all to find out a very small life line. he didnt have parents, used to live with his grandmother who would never let him get into her house when he used to drink and dope, and which was almost everyday.
a production asst by profession he had friends and well wisher to help him get work. he was working and doing good... there were good and bad days...
then there was a day i came to know he was terribly unwell.
then there was a day he was taken to rehab centre...
then there was a day we came to know he was hiv +...
then there was days when we used to meet when i would try to make him understand, trying to understand him...
then there was a day he said how much he loved me and how helpless and hopeless he feels about it..
then there were days we used to sit and not talk for hours...
then there was a day when i left for kolkata for my wedding...
it was before i left.. i met him last... almost after a year...
he had a bottle of beer in his hand and was lost as ever. he had got lot of work... he said he wanted to buy a red merc... a house in byculla becos grandmama loves that place.. marry a good girl who will take care of him and his family... but all these talks were after 2 joints and three beers.. which i was very sure..
i lied to him that i had to go for an edit and i left... i and i saw him for the last time....
and there was today... when i meet raju, my location manager after 2 years, who also works with him... after i came back after my wedding i called him twice and his phone said temporarily disconnected.. so after asking raju about where he was raju said...
naveen to expire ho gaya na? aapko nehi pata?
i remember i used to ask him... when do you sleep? you are always here at usl? even u dont go home at night? when do yo u sleep?
i remembered his smile...
sleep well... my friend...

right & right

well... again ... back to wondering, after a days hard work i am back to my favorite pastime, wondering... is life about waiting for the right time and doing the right thing or its about doing the right thing when you want to do it. i always thought it is the first bit. when all these years i wanted to be a part of a feature film, in fact i came to mumbai,(then it was bombay) to do something in a feature film,,,, i guess half the population flocking to bombay thinks that. nothing happened... 7 years just passed like a dream and now as become almost a story to be published... so much of hard work and stupid work and time pass work... money,,, no money...
today when it looks like happening... any smaaallll... you know what i mean? a smallll part to play in a feature film? am i scared? am i lazy? am i nervous as i have been used to a very comfortable lifestyle? have i grown old? i don't know... but what i know is i must give it a try... friends like priti and anand, when they give the full assurance that.. dude.. u r doing fine.. abhi nehi to kab? .... i figure the energy in anand's voice, figure the positivity in priti's voice...
dont know if i will do a great job... but i will try... today i felt very very good... i made a budget.. and thats why this blog... i think this is the right time to do the right thing...