Is the sky a little quieter today?

I feel a comforting stillness in the air and the sky looks calmer. Is it all in my head or is it really like that?

Last 2 days with ma has been a little draining. I know there has to be an outlet for her also. So we both have been either talking and ranting over the same things for the 100th number of times or we both are quietly looking at the wide patch of sky from our bedroom window.

This has to stop. There has to be change. A good change. A fun change.

Fun, happiness, peace, as if i have forgotten how to feel them. It is like how it feels when you are trying to sing after a long time without practicing. When there is a little touch of calmness my mind wonders, is it really? or something big is coming up. But why am i forgetting, life can be this, actually calm at some point of time. And life can be fun, happy.

These days i feel as if i have a disease. Since October i am reeling under this disease. Almost like it is contagious and i am left alone in this small room in my mind.

Rest of the world outside this room looks normal, only in this room something has changed, something has stopped... As if i cant be normal, cant smile, pretend to smile, given an option i will keep sitting in this dark room forever.

This has to change and i have to change it. I have to.

Energies.... Come to me...