Opening the door with the keys and stepped into my new world. Around 10 pm and the feeling in my mind is the night is about to start. Why the night, my whole life is about to start now onwards. Staying alone...
Ever wondered how the universe keeps all of us busy with it's random changes? Before you finally settle into one state and you are just about to be comfortable with it, it changes. Broom!
Till i got married i never felt the existence of staying alone, though i stayed alone for almost 8 years. At the back of my head there was a small possibility of spending a life with someone else, considering the normal demands of life. Not that i was sure about it but neither this thought let me think that the my whole life is going to be spent all by myself.
Last night when i walked into my small white walled 2 room flat, i felt this old nostalgic feeling that actually there is no one who's gonna be around to see or know where i am and what i am up to. And now this arrangement is going to be for life... at least for now, so it looks like...
The feeling is still sinking in and the mind is yet to be fully aware of this state. It will, with time.
The thoughts actually flowed like a smooth zoom out shot where it started from the thought that i am alone in this room and outside the bedroom door there is nobody there. Zoomed out from the room to the building to andheri west and gradually to the whole emptiness of the universe. There is nobody there and there wont be anybody.
My reality at this point of time is myself alone in this room which is somewhere in the middle of an infinite space. And this is it.
Just a thought. And that thought somehow made be a little settled in my head. I see a ray of white light coming through my window and lighting up my room. This is my only reality, right now. I will live in this.
"What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be. " Ellen Burstyn